3/6/2020 0 Comments Forgiveness Is Hard As a child, I was an exceptional grudge holder. When someone hurt my feelings and I was (justly) upset I carried that hurt with me and used it to build a wall around my heart and justify why I didn’t trust people. I wrote the narrative in my head about what people were like based on the ways that people hurt me, or offended me, or angered me. In most of those cases, my initial hurt/resentment/anger was justified. No one would have begrudged me my initial reaction, the problem came when I decided to hold onto that hurt and to nurse it.
Father gave a really great homily just a few weeks ago about this topic when we had the gospel reading where Jesus tells the crowd that those who have anger in their hearts toward their brother have already committed murder in their hearts. Yikes. Father clarified that this passage wasn’t suggesting that being angry when something unjust happens is wrong. We can’t choose our emotional responses to things. But just like we believe that love is a conscious choice (we choose to will the good of the other above ourselves) the type of anger Jesus is talking about is a conscious choice. In this case, we are choosing to hold onto our anger, choosing to nurse it, and add fuel to the fire. And goodness that is easy! At least for me, it is super simple to wallow in that hurt, to wear it like a badge of honor; if there is anyone born with a martyr complex, that person is me. Forgiveness is hard. Letting go of something that has hurt us is hard. When my new testament teacher defined the word “love” as willing the good of the other above yourself I remember feeling like loving my neighbor had just gotten a whole lot easier. When I didn’t have to feel the warm-fuzzies about someone to love them and I just had to want what was best for them, I thought that was something I could do because even when I don’t like someone, I can still will what is best for them. But then you read a passage like that and suddenly being a follower of Jesus gets a lot harder again. But, as is always the case with Jesus, there is immense wisdom in that concept. I’m going to be a nerd again, but there’s an iconic scene in Arthur Conan Doyle’s “A Study in Scarlett” where Sherlock Holmes reveals to John Watson that he doesn’t know that the earth revolves around the sun. In the BBC adaptation of the Detective’s adventures, the same is true and when John teases him about this fact the detective shouts, “What does it matter if the earth goes round the sun or round and round the garden like a teddy bear?” he goes on to tell John that he only has so much room in his brain, so why would he fill his mind with things that don’t matter? The point Sherlock is trying to make is that we, as human beings, have a finite amount of room in our brains to store things. The point Jesus is trying to make is the same; human beings have a finite amount of room in our consciousness to store things. There is a lot of space and a lot of energy taken up by holding grudges, by holding onto hurts that someone causes you. They take up a lot of emotional real estate and they skew the way we perceive relationships and other people’s intentions. Jesus knows that we have a limited capacity for our emotions and when you let things fester inside of you it boils over into every other aspect of your life and before you know it you have become a prisoner of that hurt, bitterness, resentment, etc. Maybe you are wondering what this has to do with last week’s lesson, knowing that we were talking about the Sacrament of Reconciliation this week. Obviously, God is not like us in that He isn’t holding grudges against us (even though He would probably be justified in doing so) so why am I talking about our relationships with one another instead of our relationship with him? The goal of Reconciliation is first to reconcile us to God, but it is also to set us free from the power of sin. (One of my favorite blogs I’ve ever written was the one I wrote about Reconciliation last year about the power to overcome sin, check it out here if you’re interested.) There is power in forgiveness. We’ve seen it in our own trips to the confessional, but there is also power in forgiving others; that power sets us free from the hold of bitterness and anger. Oh, and there’s that whole line that we say every time we pray the Our Father, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In Matthew 5:21-24 (where he tells us that if we are angry at a brother we have already committed murder in our hearts) Jesus tells us “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” When we come to reconciliation we are receiving a gift, but we are also offering God our heart once again. One of my favorite passages (1John 4:16) says, “God is love and those who live in love live in God and God lives in them.” In being reconciled to God again we are inviting him to come and live within us, to give us power over sin. If we are not willing to let go of our hurt and anger, how can we expect God (who is love) to live in us? We have a limited capacity for feelings, God wants us to be free to live in him instead of in the hurt we’ve wrapped ourselves in. Before we can be reconciled with God, we have to let go of the things that are binding us to the things that are not of God, be it sin or resentment. This week I invite you to not only examine your conscience for the ways that you’ve sinned but to also look at the ways that hurt and resentment have set up camp in your heart. Who do you need to forgive this week? May the love of the Lord guide you always. Blessings, Michaela
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